Sacrifice Should Be Worth The Sacrifice

“Sometimes I wish I had your life,” my sister said to me. “You get to travel and meet all these amazing people and do all these amazing things,” she went on.

I interrupted her, “And sometimes I wish I had your life. You have a husband and a family; you get to spend time at home and see your friends.”

The lives we live are a bit of a straight-hair vs. curly-hair thing. We often want what we don’t have. In reality, it’s not about better or worse; it’s just perception.

My sister made certain choices about the life she wanted. Those choices include a steady job, a husband and children. But balance and stability come at a cost. It is harder for her to be spontaneous. It is harder to just up and leave. My sister chose to build a family, and I envy that. 

I chose a different path. I want to do things -- lots of things. I chose to devote my life to sharing a message. To do that, I travel, I meet lots of people and I get to do something I couldn’t have imagined doing. This surreal life, however, comes at a cost. It is harder for me to date or meet someone I could even think about starting a family with; I don’t see my friends as often as I would like and getting to spend time at home is a real treat. I often crave more stability.

On balance, my sister doesn’t want my life. She loves being a mom and loves the life she lives. But just now and then, she would like a little more excitement.

And, on balance, I don’t want my sister’s life. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given and for all the things I do. Only now and then, I would like the pace to slow down and have a little more predictability.

There is no decision that we can make that doesn’t come with some sort of balance or sacrifice. I accept that my social life suffers for me to focus my energy on the movement -- to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. As momentum grows, as the movement is able to move on its own energy, I will be able to slow down my pace and focus more on my life at home. My sister is the same. As her family grows up and is able to move with its own energy, she will be able to get away, take little vacations and not worry about the kids. It’s all about balance.

I’ve learned that, no matter what path we choose, there is sacrifice. This week, I was in four cities, spoke at five engagements, stayed in four hotels, and took eight flights. That was all between Monday and Friday. But sacrifice is only debilitating or life-sucking if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Sacrifice is worth it to get the things we want or live the lives we want to live, but those same sacrifices should be relatively short. A few weeks, months or years, but not the majority of our lives.

Any parent who tells their kids that they can’t attend a school play or go to a soccer match because they have to work is kidding themselves. It’s OK to miss a game or two or a performance here and there, but it's not all right to miss the majority of them. Sacrifice is putting up with something we don’t want for the short term because it serves the greater good -- be that social change, as it is in my case, or raising a happy family, as it is in my sister’s case. If the sacrifice has no end or becomes the norm, it’s no longer a sacrifice; it’s a life out of balance. That’s accepting something we don’t want as normal.

This week, I was rushing through an airport on my sixth flight of the week on the way to the fourth city of the week. It was late; I was tired. I thought about missing my flight and just getting on the next flight back to New York -- back home -- instead. I was rationalizing not showing up for an event. I called a friend of mine just to vent. “F*ck this sh*t,” was how I greeted her when she picked up the phone. “It’s not worth it,” I went on. “I’m exhausted. I can’t live a life like this. This is no life. I miss my friends, I want to go out on dates. Sh*t, I just want to spend more than two consecutive nights in my own bed.” I genuinely didn’t care about “the cause.” I was exhausted. 

And then, as if on cue, some guy calls out my name. I turn around, and he walks up to me with his hand outstretched to shake my hand. “I’m a big fan of your work,” he said. I thought we’d met, I thought maybe he’d seen me speak somewhere. But it turned out, he hadn’t. He was a principle in a school and had shown my TEDx video to the teachers and administrators to inspire them, to remind them why they do what they do.

In an instant, I was reminded why I do what I do. This is the impact of the movement we’re all a part of. I was still exhausted. I was still fed up. But because of that one reminder, I was inspired again. In an instant, the sacrifice was worth it. 

When I meet my fans, when I read the notes people send me, when I see the impact I can have on people’s lives, and when my energy is focused on giving to others, it’s worth it. When my sister sees her kids growing up, when she watches her son and daughter do things that amaze the rest of us, when she can see the impact she has in someone’s life, and when her energy is focused on giving to another, it’s worth it.

 

This article originally appeared on askmen.com

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Comments

[Paige]

What is your Why?

[Hyacinth Lea Monrou]

Thanks for sharing this personal story, Simon. Staying committed to your chosen path will, by definition, always have its moments of difficulties.

This is such a great example of how knowing your "why" is the foundation of mental resilience: by reminding ourselves (or being reminded) of our purpose we can, in an instant, be totally reinvigorated. Mental exhaustion disappears and physical exhaustion becomes less relevant.

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[Account Deleted]

There are loads of people that make REAL sacrifices every day for their job, their family, for their country.

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If there were less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world. ( O. Wilde )

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Mutual forgiveness of each vice, such are the gates of Paradise. （William Black, British poet）

[Rebecca in Switzerland]

Yes, exactly! Precisely the same pattern with my brother & me... or my friends who stayed on the tenure track and now have cushy professorships while I fly willy-nilly all over the world from client to client. I know what you mean precisely.
Am floored by your ability to take out every last unneeded word and get down to the essence of things.
It's gorgeous.
Thank you.
Rebecca L. Self, Ph.D.
http://www.rebeccalself.com
http://www.xpatadventures.com

[batt]

A few weeks later one of the students was nominated for a communication award and had to give an impromptu talk in front of the university president and deans. She thought back to your talk and gave the most eloquent and moving talk I have ever heard a student present. Needless to say she won the award and has become one of your biggest fans.
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[EVF]

I should be studying but I am up reading your posts. I do not like many things, but the things that matter (I am loyal). Keep up the good work...you have my attention. :)

EVF

[Kathy]

Powerful story that really hits home. Your writing and presentation are clear and direct stories that are changing lives. I showed your tedx talk to a group of students who were developing an outreach workshop. A few weeks later one of the students was nominated for a communication award and had to give an impromptu talk in front of the university president and deans. She thought back to your talk and gave the most eloquent and moving talk I have ever heard a student present. Needless to say she won the award and has become one of your biggest fans.

[Renita]

Thanks for sharing this personal story, Simon. Staying committed to your chosen path will, by definition, always have its moments of difficulties.

This is such a great example of how knowing your "why" is the foundation of mental resilience: by reminding ourselves (or being reminded) of our purpose we can, in an instant, be totally reinvigorated. Mental exhaustion disappears and physical exhaustion becomes less relevant.

[jeff]

You have got to be kidding me. There are loads of people that make REAL sacrifices every day for their job, their family, for their country and you have the temerity to say waltzing through airports and dealing with your fans is a sacrifice. You have a job by choice and odds are you get compensated well....but SACRIFICE, that's insulting.

Read Sebastian Junger's book "WAR" and learn what sacrifice really is.

[Michael]

Great post. Here is some of my advice: As a entrepreneur, I was always working and travelling with very little time dedicated to my social life. I ended up marrying and settling down quite late and have always regretted delaying the building of my family. The family is the true joy and why of our human experience. When you reach 50, its hard to fathom that we put our career before our personal life. (Btw, Abraham also had his universal message for the world and he knew it would only be carried through his offspring -- Isaac).

[Kyle]

Your making a difference, globally.
That matters.

[Jeff]

Simon, I relate to this post and to everything you've written or spoken about in this WHY movement more than I can express. I discovered you last year when someone pointed me to that TED talk, after I was about two months into the most grueling period of my a life, the year-and-a-half long intense-focus building phase of a mammoth project. I was driven by my why (always have been) long before I found you, but your precision and clarity are spectacular and texturally reinforcing to someone already on the path. Your trajectory has only just begun.

You wrote that as the movement gathers (and then starts to run on) its own momentum, you will be able to relax. I think you may be underestimating what you've started. I say that because it's distinctly and profoundly aligned with my own life purpose, and I can tell you that what you see at the beginning of the adventure (any adventure, in fact) is necessarily limited by why what you can't yet see. Not knowing is a good thing, for if we saw the enormity of it, we might not begin.

Projecting your trajectory forward, it's easy to see that you will only get busier and more exhausted in the years ahead. If, that is, you don't plan for it. A few others have commented about balance, and this is something not to be taken lightly. That balance comes only by designing it; it won't happen automatically. And driven by the WHY as you are, you will be inclined (as witness by the run-in with the fan) to always lean toward the movement, and sacrifice your own alternatives. Balance will require more work than you might suspect. I nearly didn't survive my huge project, and since I see so much of my purpose in what you write, I want extraordinary success for you, and to remind you that the balance itself serves the cause.

Keep up the great work, and know that thousands now and millions eventually appreciate the contribution you've made.

[meri walker]

Your willingness to speak honestly about this polarity inspires me, Simon. Even your downers are inspiring. I love the way you do the best you can just to tell the honest truth.

And I hope you'll take a break soon for a week or more... Without rest and refreshment the well goes dry. Sometimes without warning. It would be awful for your fans if you burned yourself out...not to speak of how awful it would be for you.

warmly...

[Conni Mainne]

Simon, my travel life USED to be grueling. I worked very hard to get my business rolling in the 90s. It was a success. Then I burned out. I have no children, by design. I have no regrets there. But I believe balance with your personal life is key. I really hope you'll factor in some balance in the coming years. Beware of nobilizing the sacrifice you talk about. It's not so pretty when you're 50.

[Woody Woodcock]

Simon, my travel life is grueling and I'm literally on a plane right now. This morning I'm feeling a lot of the same sentiments you expressed above. I need to get back to my WHY, or just push the refresh button for a minute. I decided to look at your blog and it does help me reconnect with that principal in the airport. I hope I meet him or someone like him this week.

Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share a lot of the same thoughts I do about the balance of impact on a movement versus. Reminds me of another blog you wrote last year entitled "Sacrifice or Gain" or something like that. It altered my perception of "Gaining" more relationships by traveling instead of sacrificing the ones back at home.

With Respect,

Woody Woodcock

[Catherine]

I am crying right now after reading this article.
I would love to be more like you now as I have lived the sister's story the 4 children are growing (teenage yrs & below..) but I would so much love to travel & BE ALONE :) yet the children still need me very much!
You give us hope & strength in the way you give up your life to help others live out theirs...
THANK YOU SIMON MERCI DU FOND DU COEUR
Cahterine from France

[Monk51295]

on a lesser scale - i resonate with what you write here.
on a ginormous scale Simon - i thank you deeply for the energy/focus/insight you freely give. often at great sacrifice.

warm regards.

[Dean]

Don't know how I got here, but I needed to read that.

The good that we see in other people's lives is just the tip of their iceberg of life. A big, ugly, iceberg. But for them it might not be that ugly, so it's worth it.

I'm still trying to find an iceberg that's right for me. :)