Purpose Can Not Be Rationalized

I felt sick. I wanted to curl up in a ball and be alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I was ashamed.

To most people, what I did would seem a trifle, but to me it was much deeper. I gave a talk to an organization that violates the very core of my beliefs.  In my mind, I felt like a sellout.

In my pre-engagement calls, I had a bad feeling about this group. They treated me like some vendor. I could barely get a question in they were talking so much. They also sent an email telling me what to wear – dress pants and a jacket. Had they done no research on me? I always wear jeans. But I talked myself out of it, “stop acting like a diva,” I told myself.

I sat backstage waiting for my time to speak, listening to the executives give their talks to the group. They presented themselves as a company that sells financial advice, but in my opinion, they weren’t doing it in an honorable way.  It seemed to me to be more like a pyramid scheme; a multilevel marketing organization that makes money on recruiting new financial planners and having them use their “system” to win clients. All they did was talk about money and who were the high performers. Never once did they talk about helping their clients. – the people they are supposed to be serving.

I believe in helping people and doing right by others. This company preyed on people’s ambitions. They weren’t interested in helping people, they were interested in exploiting them and profiting off their risk. I felt sick. I didn’t want to be there and I didn’t want to be a part of it.

I made my choice. There was something I had that they didn’t: the microphone.  They were going to put me on the stage, turn on a spotlight and let me speak, uninterrupted for 60 minutes. I would use that time to share my message. To preach. And preach I did. I spoke of the power of trust. I spoke of giving to others as the most selfish thing any person could do, because the more we look out for others, the more others will look out for us. I chastised systems that manipulate (and I stared right at the senior executives when I did).

I told stories I had heard from my time with the military, stories of heroism and sacrifice. “They give medals to people who are willing sacrifice themselves so that others may gain,” I said. “In business, we give bonuses to those who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain. We’ve got it backwards,” I implored.

They clapped at the end, but I didn’t stick around. I walked off the stage, grabbed my stuff and walked straight out the back door. I didn’t talk to anyone and I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. I felt sick and ashamed that I was a part of this.

I joined the daily huddle call our little company has where we share what we’re up to for the day and ask for help if we need it. I didn’t follow the normal procedure.  Instead, I confessed.  I told them how I felt.

My team was amazing. “Don’t sweat it,” they said trying to make me feel better, “we’re sure your message resonated and you converted a few.” One by one they took turns trying to help me see something good that may have come from this experience.  But purpose cannot be rationalized.

I remember when I worked in the advertising industry and I asked one of the executives what societal good advertising does? “We help drive the economy,” was his response. So did the manufacturers of gas chambers during the holocaust. Finding elements of good does not equal a noble purpose. It’s just rationalizing.

Providing jobs, driving the economy, serving the shareholder are not purposes. They are rationalizations used when a greater cause or purpose is not clear or not there.  Real purpose has a clear and definitive direction. It is a path that points towards a very specific vision of the future. Rationalizations have no destination, they are simply a calculation to demonstrate some benefit to justify the actions. Rationalizations are just that: rational. In contrast, purpose is deeply emotional. This is why we feel passion and intense drive when we are involved with something that has purpose. And it’s why we get that sick feeling when we do something in violation of that purpose. There is no sick feeling from violating a rationalized purpose…nor is there an invigorating passion to pursue it.

Because a true sense of purpose is deeply emotional, it serves as a compass to guide us to act in a way completely consistent with our values and beliefs. Purpose does not need to involve calculations or numbers. Purpose is about the quality of life. Purpose is human, not economic.

I thanked my team for their support, but insisted that we could not and should not try to rationalize making these kinds of errors.  They are mistakes and we should learn from them to avoid finding ourselves in the same position again in the future. We should feel ashamed when they happen and we should also hold each other accountable and support each other to avoid decisions that would leave us in a position where we are forced to compromise what we stand for. We’ve already implemented new checks and balances to avoid the same situation happening again.

The company I spoke for already signed a contract for me to speak at another one of their events later this year. The problem for them is, I won’t be there. There is no contract on the planet that can force me to violate what I stand for. I will lose money and I will certainly ruffle some feathers…and that’s fine by me.  They will all get over it in due course…I wouldn’t. They will rationalize why I was the wrong person for the job anyway. But I could never feel whole for showing up, no matter how much money they offered. Money is a calculation. My values are who I am.

 

P.S. After the event the client sent a complaint to the speakers bureau. They were upset that I wore jeans and no jacket. :-)

Comments

[Narah Valenska]

Love it. Cannot - and will not - be bought. :-)

[Paul]

While reading this post, I was reminded of Victor Frankl's wisdom, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Your response -- in part, writing this post -- demonstrates that freedom and gives us all pause for growth.

Thanks

[Elaine]

Nice post. Compromise is necessary in life. It's when we compromise our purpose that we begin to lose our identity.

You popped into my head today as I was driving to meet.a family with a child with a disability. Glad I looked you up and found that you're stiill on the side of good ;)
Onward,
Elaine

[John]

We need to take care of selling out so we don't feel like this in the future. Take care and god bless.

[C Tabish]

Simon,

I just came upon your blog as well as your Ted Presentation...amazing! It appears as though you are ahead of me in this journey but I just wanted to let you know that I share your passion and admire your efforts.

Well done!

Chris

[Siar]

a real man.!!

[Renee]

People always ask me how, after 13 years of supporting my student who has severe disabilities, I am not tired of it. They ask me when I will "upgrade" from assistant to teacher. They tell me "you can't work with him forever".

This blog post is what I will quote next time someone equates the love I have for my student to "just a job".

Thank you so much for putting into words what my heart has been saying all along :)

[davidburkus]

Love this post. I actually think I used to consult a manager with this company. If it's the one I'm thinking of. It is an MLM.

[Jon R McBride]

Simon, you nearly brought me to tears! I love your heart friend.

[Joanne F. Miller]

A great example of how money never compensates for violating one's values. A great lesson learned. Kudos!

[yingying]

You're doing right Simon. Some companies may stick to their existing model so much, that they don't want to change. For these stuborn people, we tried our best and if they don't accept it, then we forget about them and move on.

I just finished your book, thank you for the great book! It's really inspiring. I told my colleagues to read it also. Thank you for every single inspiring story in the wonderful book.

Yingying

[Tony Gedge]

True to the core Simon!

You kept your why. Your newfound due diligence for future gigs is the lesson.

Keep the faith!

Tony Gedge

[Cherilyn DeVries]

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to read a piece like this! So many folks make it to the big time and then rationalize their sellout. Do forgive yourself. Sometimes we all need an intuition check like this to remind ourselves of who we are.

Your experience reminded me of my very brief time with an MLM cosmetics company. While they talked a good like when it came to customer service, I saw their scripts become more aggressive, as if they were trying to manipulate customers to drop their conscience and common sense. It made me sick.

Thanks for your voice in the wilderness of greed and cynicism.

[Katie Jones]

As a second thought -- I almost did this last December. There was a company I was thinking about working for at the time and they really wanted me to move up to New Jersey. I kept telling myself that the CEO knew his Why even if he wasn't articulating it, that everything would be fine, that maybe I didn't see the whole picture when I saw him treating people who worked with him the way he did.. but in the end, I couldn't keep doing it. He wasn't authentic, I hated seeing people victimized, I didn't like how he thought he attracted sh*t to work for him... I had to let it go. But I was so upset that I had helped him for a month. Still am.

[monika hardy]

you go man.

[Jan Palencar]

Thank you Simon, very inspiring post.

Great ability to reevaluate against your own values.
Being honest is very rare and scarce in these days.

[Nadir Muthu]

This is happenning in our company, we are rationalising every wrong thing we do in the name of earning more money for our shareholders.

I am sticking with what I believe and the values I have. I do not want the culture of the company to change who I am and what I stand for, instead I know my purpose is the right one and I hope to change the culture of making more money to a company with purpose.

[Bill Lee-Emery]

Great example Simon. I love the way our bodies tell us when we are off track or on purpose. Subtle at first but with growing momentum and force, it brings to our awareness that which we want to ignore...or need to recognise.

[Andrew Thorp]

Wonderful piece Simon, the PS bit saying so much about the shallow, transactional nature of the company. It's frustrating when you introduce some deeper concepts to a commercial outfit, based on values rather than bottom line, and they don't get it. Still, you're an example to others that you have to stick to your guns and be guided by those values that make you you. Bravo Simon!

[TC]

Who was the company?

[Christian Louboutin Online]

Very cool idea. I think I will have to try this one. I just love the "It's the Little Things" line. Thanks!

[Katie Jones]

It's really funny because I had that same sick feeling this week, multiple times. I didn't even want to eat. The worst part was, I usually work through it by writing -- but for some reason, I was so blocked that I couldn't even write that. I was so blocked I felt like I was going to burst. And every interaction made it worse. It felt like I should just start letting everyone in the world walk on me. Which... in a sense, I did. I just... didn't care. Until today, where I ended up sitting down in the shower under the water.

Four seconds later, I started humming a melody.

A minute after that, words started replacing the notes.

A minute after that, I had an entire chorus.

Now, I have a song that I get to share with people... and they really, really like it.

I'm not going to lie -- I'm still feeling pretty lost and confused. Like I'm standing on my last two legs of faith and I'm ready to give up. But. Being able to reconnect like that. It gives me hope. It makes me feel like it's worth getting up and trying again. Even if it's hard. And, it's hard.

Anyway, that's all.

[Bret Simmons]

I LOVE this, Simon. Wish more people would find it, read it, and take it to heart. We are all responsible for our choices and not responsible for how others respond. It takes real integrity to do the right thing when money is involved. These days, so many talking heads will say whatever they think someone wants to hear in order to get paid. Good for you and thanks for sharing!

[MG]

Thank you Simon for sharing this story. I usually comment in your site using my real name, but this time I won't.
I worked at one of those financial places. One one side, they talk about how clients are the most importat thing and, at the other, they have conferences that only talk about how to sell more and more (they taught us how to increase fear in clients to sell them for example) and maximize commissions.
The company made us pay for our trip and assistance was mandatory (due to "compliance regulations"). The moment I arrived to the "convention" the place was full of booths for financial products of every kind(later I found that those booths were for sale... but that's another story). Among those booths were 2 that called my attention: they were selling some complex investments and their commission payment was the highest I'd seen in the financial industry (8-9% per sale). A couple of years later those firms went bankrupt and were accused of being Ponzi schemes. Now the company is defending iself claiming that their "due-diligence" was on par with the industry and deny any wrongdoing.
I could only be at that job for 2 years. The pressure to maximize commissions is inmense and the conflicts of interest are everywhere.
I decided to quit and risk everything (even my legal status in this country) and stopped doing that kind of job that felt so wrong since the beginning.
Now I work at a firm that truly works with their clients' best interests at heart. And I can sleep well at night.

[Briandshelton]

Simon, a brilliant read. Isn't it amazing how our feelings serve as an "emotional guidance system" to let us know when we're operating (in or) out of alignment with our core values? Excellent stuff...